This one starts with a cheesy but relevant song lyric.

"And of these cutthroat busted sunsets, these cold and damp white mornings, I have grown weary."
-Ray Lamontagne

New York is depressing me. The sky is a constant gray. It gets dark at around five o'clock. I have no daily responsibilities so I sleep too late, which makes me feel worse. My mother has been dead for nine months now. Thank God I'm going to Costa Rica in four days! I'm feeling a little anxious about going, but more than anything I am excited to get the hell out of here. I haven't felt this sad in a very long time. I don't know if it's the weather or the fact that none of my parents have been with me over the past couple of weeks nor will they be with me when I leave for Costa Rica. Or maybe it's just this goddamn weather. My Uncle Dave came to visit me to make me feel less sad, and I am eternally grateful to him. I think my graduating from college and embarking on this journey to another country is in some way serving as a reminder to me that my mom is gone, and that's what's making me feel so awful these days. I was so determined to accomplish my goal of graduating from college by January, that i put all of my energy into that and didn't have much time to focus on this gnawing pain that has yet to go away. Now I'm focusing on it, and when I get on that plane, I know I'll be able to start focusing on something else; something great. I think part of it is that I've acquired the realization over the past couple of weeks that I would never be leaving home for four months if my mom was still alive and sick. I'm allowing myself to go away because there's nothing that's keeping me here any longer; no mother to be with, or to help save. But what makes me feel contented with going is that my having a chance to go abroad and perfect my spanish and do something for me was one of the only things my mom had me promise I would do. That and graduate. So I'm two for two! I'm trying to conjure up some sort of belief or some sort of faith that somewhere somehow she knows that I've done both of these things. What I can have absolute peace about is that she knew, before she died, that I would.
On a brighter note, I had such an amazing graduation slash going away party this past weekend! I am ridiculously in love with all of my friends. You know who you are, and thank you for coming and celebrating with me. Last night my Uncle Dave and I looked on his Iphone Weather App and it showed that its going to be about 80 degrees in Costa Rica this whole week, including the day I get there! I can't wait to feel sunshine, and to meet new people, and to hang out with kids and to meet my host family, and to play soccer and to go to the beach and to do some adventuring!

I'm looking around my extremely messy room right now, at all of the Target bags and the clothing and the books and everything I need to pack, and though its overwhelming, it is an indicator that I'll be up and out of here soon. YAY! Can't wait to let you all know about the amazing things I'm doing down there. A reminder: There are some pretty affordable tickets to be found for flying to Costa Rica over the next couple of months. COME VISIT ME! I'll have weekends free and would love to do some fun stuff with anyone! Another update is soon to come.

Latres on the Menjay,
Xtine